i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
