make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
