you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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