as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
