Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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