I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
