can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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