Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
