Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
