I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
