Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
