she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
