Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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