am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
