Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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