I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
