Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
