pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
