Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
