It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
