Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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