is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
