I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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