Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
