Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
