If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
