shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
