Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
