Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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