didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
