Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
