she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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