So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
