forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
