I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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