And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
