i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
