That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
