the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
