You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
