The maid of honor just puked.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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