I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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