So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
