right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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