just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The air was thick with penises
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I touched a dick in church today
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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