Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
