my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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