Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
