Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ass is underappreciated
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
