I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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