But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
