Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
