he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
