I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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