I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
