May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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