She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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